How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

The Main Principles (Read in 2016)

“If by the time you have finished reading the first three chapters of this book-if you aren’t then a little better equipped to meet life’s sitations, then I shall consider this book to be a total failure so far as you are concerned. For, “the great aim of education is not knowledge, but action.” And this is an action book. –Dale Carnegie, 1936

Princple 1- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

“The secret of success? I will speak ill of no man and speak all the good I know. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain- and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. A great man shows his greatness, by the way he treats little men.”

“What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding-this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own years. And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me goodnight.” —In this paragraph a father is expressing his guilt for being impatient with his small son. He was expecting too much of his son, and forgetting that he’s just a young boy learning life’s lessons for the first time. His admittance of fault is very powerful in explaining how we much be patient with our children, rather than point out fault.

Principle 2- Give Honest & sincere appreciation

“The deepest urge of humanity is the desire to be important. This desire makes you want to wear the latest styles, drive the latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children. It is the desire that lures many boys and girls into joining gangs and partaking in criminal activities. If you tell me how you get your feelings of importance, I’ll tell you what you are. That determines your character; that is what is significant about you.

Some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find the feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality. If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that theyll go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity.”

Creating a feeling of importance and appreciation to others is so important. The main reason that couples split, is due to the lack of feeling appreciation. Honest appreciation gets results, when criticism and ridicule fail. Take the focus off yourself to think of genuine strong suits of others. A good way to see the good in others is to realize that we learn something from everyone. Realizing this may help you find positive qualities in people.

Principle 3- Arouse in others an eager want

“The only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what THEY want, and show them how to get it. He who can do this, holds the whole world in his hands…” This takes sincere thought and creativity at times. It’s also important to put things in terms of how others with benefit. The world is full of selfish people…so the rare individual who seeks ways to serve others, will always win.

The 6 ways to become likeable: Become genuinely interested in others, smile, remember that a person’s name is the sweetest sounding word to them, be a good listener and encourage people to talk about themselves, talk in terms of other people’s interest and make the other person feel important and do it sincerely.

How to win people to your way of thinking: Avoid argument- nothing good ever comes of it. Show respect for other’s opinions and never say they’re wrong. If you’re wrong, admit it quickly. Begin in a friendly way; convince someone that you are their friend and not their enemy. Get the other person saying “yes” immediately. (Get them to agree with you somehow right off the bat. Ask questions immediately in which your opponents will have to respond with yes. Get them on the same wavelength.) Let others do the most talking. Let other’s take credit, if it’s due to them. Try your best to see things from their viewpoint. Be sympathetic with other’s desires. Appeal to their nobler motives. Dramatize your ideas- Make people WANT to follow you! Stimulate the desire to excel by throwing down a challenge.

Being a Leader: Begin with praise and honest appreciation. Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person. Ask questions to help them reveal their own course of action rather than giving orders. Praise the slightest improvements, be lavish in your praise. Give others a fine reputation to live up to. Encourage often. Make the other person happy about doing what you suggest (A good motto with children).

 

Feature photo credit: kaboompics.com

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